As a kid, I didn’t really have any friends.
I was always sort of lost in my own little world, making up stories, creating kingdoms and stirring up magic potions. Or drawing wayyy outside the lines.
The other kids didn’t really get me. And I didn’t really get them.
As I got older I attempted to socialize, fit in. And I did, sortta kinda. I found myself hanging with the weirdos and freakazoids in junior high (because I could relate). In high school I dug deeper into photography, music, writing poems. In these pursuits I finally found some true pals.
Writing and recording songs helped me get to know myself better. Brining my darkness out into the world, even if only a few people were listening. My guitar, my notebook, and my camera were always there. They never judged me or made me feel ‘less than’ the other kids at school. The more I loved my creative adventures and spent time doing them, the more adept I became and the deeper our relationship grew.
I loved listening to music on those lonely high school nights when I didn’t have many friends (except the party crowd who only really liked me because I had a fake ID). I loved spending hours alone in my ‘basement studio,’ or in my grandfather’s darkroom creating beautiful images. And I loved writing stories because I knew all of the characters. Each a part of me.
It’s now about a thousand years later, and although I’m quite happy to say that I have some very dear and amazing friends in my life, I also often feel alone in this world. And that still sucks.
I still turn to music, images, words. Because I know that they will never leave me. They will always shine back as much love as I give to them. And they will always be here, ready to hang out whenever I am. Whether I’m creating or reading, listening or watching a favorite movie.
I literally don’t know who I’d be without these things. Or if I would have made it this far.
Do you feel the same?